But there was nothing horse-like about the beautiful slab of beef on the plate in front of me.

It was the donkeys on the big screen who were spoiling my pub lunch and had me scrolling the old iPhone to find a number for the Football Standards Agency.

Sadly such a body doesn’t exist but we could surely do with a football counterpart to the food watchdog to put a stop to more games like Aston Villa v West Ham.

People masquerading as professional footballers is every bit as deceitful as stuffing the odd 99p frozen meal with the loser of the 2.30 at Newmarket.

But what really had me spitting out my roast was Sam Allardyce’s after-match comments as he lauded West Ham’s “great creative play”.

Now I’m as biased as the next Hammer, but creative we ‘aint.

The football FSA would also have had a field day on Wednesday watching Real Madrid locking horns with Man Utd.

Talk about a team of two halves.

Madrid’s Di Maria, Ozil and of course Ronaldo, where wonderful to watch.

But that back line played like a Sunday morning pub team.

It makes for a fascinating second leg but I just fear Ronaldo and Co will have too much firepower at Old Trafford.

It was also a worrying sign for England that Wayne Rooney looked like he’d struggle to get a place on the Madrid bench.

It’s the fifth round of the FA Cup this weekend and a few tasty ties jump out.

Not least Luton v Millwall which could be a bonanza for stadium seating suppliers if we see a repeat of the infamous 1985 meeting.

All the games look a bit one-sided or priced about right by the bookies so I’ll delve into the Championship for my bet of the week.

Watford are flying on the road at the moment and can take care of Birmingham while Derby have made Pride Park a fortress where they should have too much for woeful Wolves.

A win double on the Rams and Hornets pays around 4/1 and that looks a decent punt to get us back to winning ways.

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Running Total for all 2013 bets to a £10 stake:   £-70.00